Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The #1 least effective way to calm down anyone, ever.

Years of intensive research have shown that the least effective way to calm a person who is distraught, stressed, angry, hysterical, or otherwise disturbed in any way is to tell them,
"Calm down." In fact, this often further agitates the intended calm-ee.

Some of the most common responses are as follows:

"&^%$ off*!" or "@%^$ you*!"

Or sometimes, "Calm THIS, jackwagon*!"

" I AM CALM!!"

"You calm down, arrogant asshat*!"

"Shut up!"

In almost no cases know to science has the response been;

"Ah, I see that my response to this situation may not entirely rational. A more objective approach would no doubt be more helpful and appropriate. Thank you so much for pointing this out  to me; I deeply appreciate your concern."

*Under stress it seems some people have a serious potty mouth, shocking, I wish they would just calm down.


Bijoux said...

Bahahaha..........the voice of reason always makes me cry harder.....or swear louder, depending on the situation!

lime said...

especially when the non-calm person is hopped up on hormones. since i've been on the thyroid driven roller coaster i've come to describe my rages as wanting to pull people's windpipes out.

coopernicus said...

"Calm this, Jackwagon" - omg that is funny and I am so hijacking it for some future publication....i'll give you credit for it. Damn that's hysterical.