Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Here we have some Easy Trivia.
And then after that warm up,
or instead, if you would rather,
Regular Tuesday Trivia.
Congrats to A N Other for 80,
Sar and Lime who tied at 70.
(We are ignoring the unfortunate confusion
involving the guest quiz author,
please forgive us and we will avoid such incidents in the future).
And thanks to BS and Weirsdo for the donated questions.
The rest of you are seriously bringin' us down, man,
you are totally slacking on the questions.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Saturday, January 28, 2006
The answerer is denoted by initial.
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what did you think?
A-Holy tuna, they are lucky to have me!
L- Holy mother of a Hindu cow, what happened to me?
2. How much cash do you have on you?
3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?
4. Favorite planet?:
L-Earth is working pretty well for me.
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
A- human bias!
L-My esteemed elder sister, Logorrhea
6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
L- This nice little calypso number
7. What shirt are you wearing?
A-WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!
L-A brown shirt
8. Do you "label" yourself?
A-No, but I have a lovely collar with some tags.
L- My label in my jeans says Levi
9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing now:
L-I am in the house, I don't have shoes on, the ones I just took off were Nine West though
10. Bright or Dark Room?
If it is natural light, as bright as possible.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Damasta is the BEST!!
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
A-sleeping, twitching, drooling
L-sleeping, twitching, drooling
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?:
L- I discontinued this service because I was getting charged for some stupid daily horoscope
15. Where is your nearest 7-11?:
Not anywhere close
16. What's a saying(s) that you say a lot?
L- Is that how you should phrase that?
17.Who told you they loved you last?
A-The Alpha Male
L-The esteemed elder sister
18. Last furry thing you touched?
A-We don't want to discuss that in public, do we?
19. How Many days of work did you miss this week:
A- I never miss a day, I am here, day after day, being cute and adorable.
L- You mean some of you don't slave away every single day of your freaking lives?
20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?:
L-We are well into the digital age, thank you very much.
21. Favorite age you have been so far?
A-One is really working for me so far.
22. Your worst enemy?:
A- The vacuum, I am telling you, there is something wrong there, they don't listen to me, but when the mayhem ensues all can say is, I tried to warn you!
23. What is your current desktop picture:
A&L- brown with coffee cups
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?:
L-"Stop it, go lay down or something."
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which would you choose?
A- Flying dog, yeah baby, how do you like me NOW?
L- If I had a million dollars I could go to flight school, and still have some left.
26. Do you like someone?
A- Ssniff sniff, my Golden boy, but he never writes, he never calls, thanks for bringing it up, now why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice in it?? And then there is Casper, and Bucky...hey, I am young, I have to keep my options open.
L-Yes, of course! What, you think I am some hateful person? Of course I like some people, sheesh
27. The last song you listened to?
28. Carmen Electra or Pam Anderson?
Pam as a flotation device, Carmen has a better porn star name though
Friday, January 27, 2006
Well, you regulars have seen most of this before, but once more into the breech, dear friends. Here is my lovely bucket of toys. It is less full than it was in the last picture because I tend to be rather hard on my toys.
Hey, they are there to be played with, right?
Next we have my secret, alright, well, I don't see the problem, but based on the usual reaction I get, this is something that should not be admitted in public.
I really like licking feet, the rest of the family does not seem to share my enthusiasm. My best chance of sneaking in a few licks is to wait till one of them is asleep or deeply entranced with a book or the computer.
If you don't know about Stuff Portraits, go see Kristine, she is the gal in the know.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
My apologies everyone, I should have known better.
Really, I should have.
I blame myself.
You know that old saying about if you want something done right?
Well, I got some help.
And despite a few early doubts,
things seemed to be going well.
then I looked at the quiz scoreboard.
Evidently, I failed to explain in clear and concise terms,
if you WRITE the quiz,
you should not TAKE the quiz.
Time to see if SOMEONE, ANYONE (this also means YOU, Sar!!) can take high score from the Idiot.
So, go take the quiz
by Dr and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey
also authors of
Your Disgusting Head :
The Darkest, Most Offensive and Moist Secrets of Your Ears, Mouth and Nose
(How Books: Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brillance)
List price-$16.95 **Comes with flashcards! Come on, flashcards, people!!
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
For many years the scientific and educational community has wondered and worried about the possibility that semi-sane scholar-pretenders would find the means to put out a series of reference books, filled with ludicrous misinformation and aimed at children.
So here we are with GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES! by Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey. A world-renowned and much feared expert on everything, Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey has seventeen degrees from eighteen institutions of higher learning. With her husband, Benny, she has traveled the world many times over, has learned about all aspects of life, including outer space and food, first hand.
When is the last time you actually sat down and had a conversation with a giraffe? That's what I thought. You are hopelessly clueless on giraffe culture, their likes/dislikes and voting patterns -- most giraffes are probably libertarian.
GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES! is the authoritative text on the biology, history and overall nature of giraffes.
You are so behind on giraffes that it's rather embarrassing and you obviously need this book more than health insurance. Things you probably don't know about giraffes -- and can only be found in this book -- include giraffes' preferred mode of transportation (conveyor belt), what their bodies are made of (paper mache, a clock, fruit juices and a super-strong lightweight titanium alloy), where most giraffes live (Terra Haute, Indiana -- known for many things, including buildings made of wood and ground made of dirt), and basic giraffe history (in 50,000 B.C giraffes began to hang out with primitive man, they found him to be likeable and helped him paint buffaloes in caves).
Cheat Sheet on Giraffes (good for slumber parties and barroom brawls):
• Giraffes invented plastic. "No, not plastic--latex. My bad. Still, though isn't that amazing?"
• Frequently Asked Question: Why do we call giraffes "giraffes?" Answer: Because when they came to Earth they asked us to.
• Rarely Asked Question: How fast can giraffes run? The giraffes have tried to phase out running from their lives but if they had to, they could still run much faster than you. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that they can run 780 mph.
With the wit and irreverent sense of humor for which Dave Eggers and McSweeney's is known, comes the first volume in the revolutionary Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance books. More than just entertaining and informative, GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES! will help you appear smarter, more in touch with your sensitive side and whiten your teeth. And much, much more that will likely sicken you.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Now here is a stroke of genius.
Thing One and Thing Two managed to convince the Alpha Female that despite nearly indiscernable symptoms they really and truly were not well and needed a day off from school.
Being easily duped and excessively permissive she allowed them to not only have a day off from school but made the magic disappearing bed in the living room re-materialize so the lil boogers could lounge around in their jammies watching the History Channel, she claims Modern Marvels is educational.
Here I am taking advantage of their absence to hog not only the bed, but also the blankets, aaah, it is good to be the queen.
(The Things were busy running through the house either playing tag or trying to develop fever symptoms)
Sunday, January 22, 2006
It's that time when one casts about desperately for a topic on their 200th post (yeah, that's right, 200th baby, we may not be flashy but we are here, day after day, contributing our part to the useless glut of pointless information on the web).
So, for your Sunday inspiration, here are some quotes about dogs.
They are better than human beings, because they know but do not tell. --Emily Dickenson
That Emily, so pithy, so pertinent.
They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.--Jerome K. Jerome
It is better to keep silent and be thought sympathetic than to point out reality and end up in the dog house
(take note humans, this applies to you too).
Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. --Corey Ford
For a 6 week course I only charge $3,500, send your cash and your men, and I will return one of them to you in six weeks
A dog is like an eternal Peter Pan, a child who never grows old and who therefore is always available to love and be loved. --Aaron Katcher
Growing old is no fun, and the first step is growing up, don't do it!
Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book; inside of a dog, it is very dark.--Groucho Marx.
I suggest you ask Tom and Icy about this, they are the current experts on the topic.
They say the dog is man's best friend. I don't believe that. How many of your friends have you neutered?--Larry Reeb
Uuuuuh huh, come on, you KNOW that is a good point!
I am as confounded by dogs as I am indebted to them.~Roger Caras
The man who also said, "There are only three sins- causing pain, causing fear, and causing anguish. The rest is window dressing." An intelligent man, a wise man, a dog lover, I think that covers the basics.
Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.
You should love me, it is GOOD for you, even doctors and small brained Nobel prize winners agree!
Saturday, January 21, 2006
If I like it, it's mine.
If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
If I saw it first, it's mine.
If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
If it's broken, it's yours.
Friday, January 20, 2006
As some of you may have seen, in the recent dog show,
a Portuguese Water Dog was oh so close to taking the group (Working Dog)
So, here are a few possible reasons why that gorgeous Porty got edged out.
Top Ten Excuses For Losing The Dog Show
10) Mistaken in assumption there would be chance to show off talent for drinking from toilet
9) Thought I saw that little chuckwagon
8) Bad idea going to Don King's barber
7) Caught in a lie claiming to be Cycle Two dog when I'm really Cycle Three
6) Shouldn't have picked Quayle as running mate
5) My lifelong battle with problem drool
4) During spelling portion, spelled "ubiquitous" with two B's
3) Didn't know that was the judge's leg
2) Money goes to trainer anyway, so let him stand naked in a carpeted ice skating rink and be touched by a stranger in a bad suit
1) Like me, the whole thing was fixed (Damn you Bob Barker, DAMN YOU)
(we acknowledge the David Letterman show for their contribution to this post)
Thursday, January 19, 2006
This is not to say she doesn't ever wash it,
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions so you are still in the way.
The dishes on the floor on the mat marked with paw prints contains your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it as your food and dish,
nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The hallway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me down the length of it is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I will not buy anything bigger than a queen size bed. I am very sorry about this.
Do not think I will sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking your tail straight out and having your tongue hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
Compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
it is not necessary to claw, whine, and try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.
I must exit through the same door I entered.
In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years.
Canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go sniff the other animals' butts.
I cannot stress this enough.
It would be such a simple change for you.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Dog:
1. She lives here. You don't.
2. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
3. To you, it's an animal. To me, she is an adopted daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
4. Dogs are better than kids anyway.
They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called,
never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink,
don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.
In conclusion, we are doing our best to live peaceably with you, please try to work WITH us.
You see what i put up with?
winners for the Snavy Quiz were
Snav ( what a shock),
Kelly, all tied at 100.
The weekly trivia contained a question with two correct answers,
sorry, Chile and Liberia both recently elected their first female presidents.
Apologies to Lime and Weirsdo, and anyone else who got shafted there.
Even with spotting them the 10 points they rightfully SHOULD have,
have an idiot in the lead.
and this disturbs me,
running through the house is a small male child, this one,
and he keeps singing,
"Whatever Lola wants
And little man, little Lola wants you
Make up your mind to have
Recline yourself, resign yourself, you're through
I always get what I aim for
And your heart'n soul
is what I came for
Whatever Lola wants
off your coat
Don't you know you can't win?
You're no exception to the rule,
I'm irresistible, you fool, give in!"
He really ought to stop that.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Today is the birthday of our beloved Snavylyn!
Four Truths and a Lie
A twisted meme.
Try to guess the lie
Mary Kay lady
Muppet Christmas Carol
The Princess Bride
MP Holy Grail
So I Married An Axe Murderer
Four places you've lived:
Four TV shows you love to watch:
Four websites you visit daily:
Four of your favorite foods:
nachos with everything
Four places you'd rather be right now:
Machu Picchu, Peru
Ocean Shores, Washington
Four bloggers you are tagging:
The cool person
Monday, January 16, 2006
This note was a promise that all men would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom....
When we let freedom ring,
Sunday, January 15, 2006
which left lovely black rings around their eyes.
Look how nicely they can share and take turns,
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Thing Two urges his imaginary steeds forward by flailing them with a scarf.
Because really, what says we are ignoring the rain like hanging out at a waterfall park, eh?
Friday, January 13, 2006
Good times, good times.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
And HERE is Thing Two dawdling up the hill.
Notice however, that I look positively charming, as always.
[C is for career]The current one or the next one?
[F is for favorite song at the moment:]It's Only Me (The Wizard of Magicland) BNL
[G is for favorite games:]Pass the Bomb (word game)
[H is for hometown:]Oak Harbor, Washington
[R is for biggest regret:]Having caused pain.
[V is for vegetable you love:]Artichokes and bell peppers
[Y is for yummy food you make:]cinnamon rolls, but only about once every three years.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Are you excited?
Are you ready?
Congrats to THOMCAT for a perfect score last week!!!
and an honorable mention to The Village Idiot for second place.
Send questions for next week, with four possible answers to
Monday, January 09, 2006
94 I like to lick my personal areas
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Saturday, January 07, 2006
She has come to terms with this, I hope you all can too.
Two years ago, after three years spent living in Napoli, my family returned to the States.
It was supposed to be our last move. We were all looking forward to life back home, buying a house, the acquisition of (or by, depending on whom you ask) a dog, an end to cross cultural annoyances, and living closer to family.
The list of benefits seemed almost endless.
So, in the manner of highly mobile families, we began to settle in according to an effective and strategic plan.
A home was purchased; a puppy chosen; goods, services and libraries located; distances to family members clocked. We were situated in record time. Our last box was unpacked approximately 2 1/2 weeks after the moving trucks delivered. Severe ideological differences, among other things, have led us to decide Mr. Logo's current employer is not one with which we wish to continue our association. So we find ourselves in a terrifying, exciting and worrisome "transitional period."
Always a good time for looking back, yes?
I miss Naples.
I hated it,
but I miss it.
Not the stench of death, rot, decay, and smoldering trash.
Not the pollution, litter, abandoned pets and unsafe water.
Not the pickpockets, car jackers, beggars, thieves, mafia thugs and roadside whores.
Not the endless, senseless, bureaucratic bullshit.
Not the days of my life spent with two small children in sweltering, smoky, acrid sweat-scented, crowded lines.
Not the smug self-satisfied smirks that warned me I was about to be cheated.
Not the fear for the safety of my children when we were caught in anti-war/anti-american demonstrations.
But oh... there are so many moments.
When Lena called me, on 9/11, and despite her limited English and my limited Italian friendship found a way to speak.
When Enzo, eyes lit with mischief, taught me to properly pronounce every dirty Italian word he could think of.
When Stefano, a 9 year old in my English class (after overhearing me talk with a friend) proceeded to call everyone "doooood" for weeks.
When Annalia and her family, who practically adopted the boys and I, pronounced me "simpatico".
When Rosa taught me to make limoncello according to HER family's recipe, the "right" way.
When I called my sister from the middle of the Spanish Steps just to say, I'm here, oh my god, I'm really here.
When my friend Don drove over 2 hours to return my kids and I to our home when my car was stolen stranding us.
When my friend Holly and I wandered from our tour group and spent an afternoon in the most dangerous part of Napoli being shepherded by a charming bar keeper and his very caretaking mother.
I miss my American friends who were there with me. There was a sense of family, immediately. If you needed a car, they loaned it. If you needed an emergency sitter, you had one. These were the friends who call to say, "I haven't seen or heard from you in a while, are you ok?" And they usually know when fine means fine, and when it means, Aw, I'm a mess, I can't talk about it right now." The ones who say, "When is the last time you got out without the kids? Bring them over this afternoon and go do something."
I miss my Italian friends who opened their hearts, and doors. They taught me their tongue, tried to teach me their mindset, and loved my children.
I miss driving daily past amphitheatres that predate Christ on roads that are older than my country.
I miss buying lemons, oranges, eggplants, and tomatoes picked the day before.
I miss taking my kids to play in a castle built by the king who sent Columbus to the New World.
I miss driving unbelievably twisty roads on the Amalfi coast to tiny villages with superb caffe and views of the Med that take the breath away.
I miss driving 100 MPH and feeling a part of the rhythm of the wild, insane ballet that is driving in southern Italy.
I miss going to Rome and knowing on any given day in less than three hours I could be standing in the Sistine chapel.
I miss going to The Blue Moon ristorante, or stopping by Panda pizza on my way home. Ahhhh, Cerbero Pizza.
Lord have mercy, I miss the food, the long, delicious meal with wonderful cheap wine, the tiramisu, the gelato, the pasta, the mozzarella di bufala, the cornetti, the limoncello, the caffe, I must run and fetch a towel, I am drooling. So, so good.
I returned to my much beloved home and family with such relief. Flooded with joy at the smallest things, shopping without converting currency in my head, speaking the language with perfect fluency, being able to roll down a car window without gagging on the smell, not worrying constantly about car doors being locked, and having to count my change at every store.
But its not what I could wish it to be, not at all.
I think it is possible I have developed a touch of Seasonal Affective Disorder.
My mom's deteriorating mental health is painful to watch.
The list could go and become even bleaker.
But...I am where I love to be, with the people I love.
And really, is there anything better?
Friday, January 06, 2006
Jan 6th - Before and After
*Show me BEFORE
*Show me AFTER
*Your new favorite thing
Courtesy of Kristine of Random and Odd
And here it is after, well mostly, still plan to change out the electrical outlets and get rid of the heinous carpet,
but this is the after...
Lastly, this is my new favorite thing.
After eight years it was decided to get a new bedcover,
with coordinating pillows even, ooooooo.
Now, wasn't that exciting?
Alright, one last thing,
Here is a picture Thing One found in an art book and drew.
Is he a genius or what?