Today, I thought I would share with you a cheeky letter I received.
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions so you are still in the way.
The dishes on the floor on the mat marked with paw prints contains your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it as your food and dish,
nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The hallway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me down the length of it is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I will not buy anything bigger than a queen size bed. I am very sorry about this.
Do not think I will sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking your tail straight out and having your tongue hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
Compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
it is not necessary to claw, whine, and try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.
I must exit through the same door I entered.
In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years.
Canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go sniff the other animals' butts.
I cannot stress this enough.
It would be such a simple change for you.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Dog:
1. She lives here. You don't.
2. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
3. To you, it's an animal. To me, she is an adopted daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
4. Dogs are better than kids anyway.
They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called,
never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink,
don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.
In conclusion, we are doing our best to live peaceably with you, please try to work WITH us.
You see what i put up with?
winners for the Snavy Quiz were
Snav ( what a shock),
Kelly, all tied at 100.
The weekly trivia contained a question with two correct answers,
sorry, Chile and Liberia both recently elected their first female presidents.
Apologies to Lime and Weirsdo, and anyone else who got shafted there.
Even with spotting them the 10 points they rightfully SHOULD have,
have an idiot in the lead.
and this disturbs me,
running through the house is a small male child, this one,
and he keeps singing,
"Whatever Lola wants
And little man, little Lola wants you
Make up your mind to have
Recline yourself, resign yourself, you're through
I always get what I aim for
And your heart'n soul
is what I came for
Whatever Lola wants
off your coat
Don't you know you can't win?
You're no exception to the rule,
I'm irresistible, you fool, give in!"
He really ought to stop that.