"Why are you still talking?" and other rude things I've said lately,

just in case you ever doubted that I am thoughtless, sarcastic, shallow, and mean.


"This is not relevant to my interests."

"Why hasn't a friend or family member mentioned how hideous that is? Does NO ONE love her?"

"I sometimes find myself doubting the value of his existence."

"The hotel seems very concerned that you are all filthy monkeys. Soap, shampoo, etc. all labeled with the command, CLEAN. Or perhaps they are differentiating from the dirty lotion and shampoo? Vexing..."

"Don't mistake good manners for respect."

"Yes, you're very smart. Shut up."

"I'm sure Jesus loves her and stuff, but seriously, that hair cannot enter heaven."

"I know you were raised by wolves but even YOU must realize that is completely unacceptable!"

"Don't kill them. Remember, you are peaceful. You are strong. They are assholes. You wouldn't look good in orange."

"I didn't say it looked good. I said, 'Oh, you got your hair done!'"