Oh, the horror!

I recently overheard a conversation that filled me with a creeping dread. It was a chilling glimpse into a possible future and that grotesque reality lurks in murky shade casting a faint but threatening shadow. Several of my friends are a bit older than me, not elderly mind you, but some of them have already hit 50, a couple celebrated it this year, and a few are closing on it fast. As I have not yet hit 40 I occasionally hear whipper-snapper jokes, but mostly I blend right in.
I blame that my ancestors,
a little melanin would have helped, hello!
ANYWAY, we were sitting around drinking coffee and discussing our contempt for the lack of women's right in mainland China (or maybe it was the current sale price of winter squash at the local market, I can't quite recall just this minute, but as I was saying...) somehow, while I was drifting away in a moment of deep personal reflection, the topic turned and suddenly there, at the same table I was occupying, women were discussing issues related to menopause.
Now, that in and of itself is hardly cause for alarm you may be thinking, and I would mostly agree
BUT
it was something far more disturbing than mere discussions of heat flashes, irregular periods, lack of vaginal lubrication, and extreme mood swings, no no, those are charted waters.
Instead, one of these women, of Hungarian descent (I'm hoping this is relevant), was sharing that she occasionally had a stray thick, black hair grow randomly from the area around her areola. Some of the women around the table began to chime in, adding details, sharing their own hair horror stories. The comparatively small sample of women at the table leads me to believe this is not a rare phenomenon, though it is not universal, it seems.
I pray to all that is holy that my fair skinned genetic heritage will protect me from such a fate in a way that it has NEVER protected me from sun burns.
If my prayers are answered I will never again complain about my lack of pigment, I will regard it as a better than even deal in exchange for having missed out on yeti nips.
Also?
Someone is getting Nair for Christmas, gaaaaah (shudder).