Wednesday, January 06, 2010


Just over two years ago I went with my dad and my mom to visit her oncologist at Swedish Medical Center. We were informed that her breast cancer had metastasized to her brain. Although her doctor is not one to throw time frames about it took very little research for my sister and I to both discover that 6-24 months was the life expectancy after such a diagnosis. It was a very early diagnosis though, so we were all comparatively hopeful as she went into treatment.

In March of 2009 mom really only had one last treatment option available. It was not even an attempt to kill the cancer, just to stave off the inevitable. After some lengthy indecision mom opted for the cyber-knife treatment.
It got her eight months;
three really good months,
two pretty good months,
one so-so month,
one not too good month,
and one really rough month.
My mom died on Sunday. For just over the last month of her life she was bed-bound. For the last two to three weeks she was not able to speak expressively. On the 17th of December was the last time she really said anything meaningful to me.
I was getting ready to leave and was giving her a hug goodbye.
She leaned her head on me and said,
“Love you, baby, see ya.”
When I returned just a few days later she wasn’t able to speak expressively but she was making sense of what we said to her and answering simple questions.

Taking care of her was a two person job by the end of November so my sister or I were there with my dad to assist him. My daddy is one of the best men in the whole world. He took amazing care of mom.

Mom, shockingly, was not in severe pain from headaches. The hospice nurses were continually amazed by that. She had some aches and pains but nothing like the debilitating headaches that were anticipated. Mom credited all the prayers offered for her by family and friends.

Sunday morning mom’s breathing was ragged and we worked on getting her comfortable with some phone coaching from hospice. We finally got her resting comfortably and went to sit down and regroup. Just a few minutes later dad went in to check on mom and found she had passed away.

Despite knowing this was coming for two years, and knowing it was close, it still somehow arrived with shocking swiftness. I thought we’d know. I thought we would be holding her hand and sitting with her. We just thought we were getting her comfortable for a rest time, not the last time.
I’m glad her ordeal is over,
but I really, really miss my mommy.


The Grunt said...

It's not easy having to say goodbye to somebody so close. I'm sorry for your loss, Logo.

Doug said...

Sorry for your loss, Logo.

furiousBall said...

very sorry for your loss amiga, best to you and yours

Jeni said...

My condolences in your loss. No matter when it happens, no matter how much advance knowledge or warning we have, when a loved one passes, it is still a great shock to our system. And the loss of a parent does stay with us forever too -one never stops missing them.

lime said...

i'm weeping with you as i read this. just know how much you're loved and that people you've never met are praying for you and your family. wish i could give you a hug in person, my friend. i'm glad you had the time you did and you can say with certainty that you spent it well and did all you could for her. i wish you all the comfort your heart needs.

Vera said...

i'm so sorry to hear of your loss... i know the last couple years have been incredibly taxing on you and your family and my thoughts went out to you then just as they are now... your family sounds amazing... strong and united... i wish you all continued strength and a coming peace...

cathy said...

Oh how it hurts!No words are adequate balm for the pain.

I am one step behind you on the same hard road. My mum in law slipped into a coma 3 days ago and now we wait.Ironically I sat down to visit a few blogs to take my mind off it and found your hurt. My heart aches for you and I wish I could reach out to hug you for the brief moment of solace it would bring to both of us...

Gnightgirl said...

I'm so sorry. I lost my sister to cancer 4 months ago, and have an idea of the pain you're going through. You have my prayers and condolences.

S said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry. Your mommy will always be with you in your heart.
OK I look pretty lame crying my arse off in the lobby of this hotel with Indian men staring at me, if that gives you a little giggle!

stanglady said...

Having just lost my grandmother on January 5th, after she valiantly fought against her own medical issues, I literally feel your pain.

Not matter if it is sudden, or long expected, we never have enough time before the cherished people in our lives are taken away.

I won't say I am sorry, as I know that sometimes sounds empty when you hear it enough. Instead I will say that I am grateful for each and every moment you and your mother had together. Those wonderful memories will never fade away...and neither will her love.

Warm, comforting cyber hugs to you, my friend.

Kyahgirl said...

Geez Logo, I'm so sorry.
big hugs,