Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Reading other people's mail

We've been a little busy lately. One of the results of this is that the Tooth Fairy was very slow in responding to the lost tooth of the elder Thing. He received the following in the mail.
Dear Thing One,

We have been notified regarding the delay in your receipt of honorarium for your most recent lost tooth. Please accept our apologies. Recent disruptions in service are largely attributable to technology upgrades, new demands to cope with heightened national security as well as increased household security measures which are increasingly common, and changes in how transactions are handled.

The vigilance with which all air traffic is now monitored, and the stern, even extreme measures taken these days were a key factor in causing the Tooth Fairy Consortium Strike (one tooth fairy gets a wing shot off and they all get mighty huffy, let me tell you). Successful negotiations were not reached (I’m sorry, but with the tooth exchange rate at an all time low and health care costs being what they are we simply cannot afford two dwarf body guards for each fairy, its just not feasible!!) and so I would like to inform you that your services are now being provided by a new vendor. Some of our clients are being serviced by pixies and in remote areas gnomes are sub-contracting to provide all our little boys and girls the kind of quality service that has been expected for generations.

The delay in processing your case has highlighted some critical errors in the system which were promptly addressed and the computer programmer and the gnome responsible were sacked (we had to rehire them straight away as we are very short-handed but believe me, they were really scared there for a minute, the gnome even started to cry and promised to do better, of course the computer programmer was blubbering right from the beginning, but that’s to be expected).

In addition to your tooth honorarium we are enclosing a gift, a fairy kiss, please apply topically to your forehead which should serve to give you a brief sense of being affectionately regarded and should prevent chicken pox for at least 24 hours.

Thank you for your continued business,

Yours, etc.

The Fairy Queen (Tooth Division, Seattle Branch)


cindra said...

Nice! We've had to do some creative 'splainin' before too! Well done.

barefoot_mistress said...

That happened to Little Rita too! Ya know, it's a big world out there, and sometimes the tooth fairy just needs an extra day to get there!

The Grunt said...

I hear that in da hood you get a visit from da Toof Fairy. I promise to behave, now.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe that employment problems are affecting the fairy world, too. Things are tough every where.

lime said...

yeah yeah right where's the loot, lady?

bwahahahaha, LOVED it

snavy said...

That's just wrong. Creative, but wrong.

The East Coast Fairies are just fine - better than fine in fact. I get the newsletter.

What's next, Santa ... the Easter Bunny.

Diesel said...

My 5 year old daugher recently knocked out her 2 front teeth. (I know, all I want for Christmas....) They were going to come out anyway, but she got a jump on things (literally, she knocked them out on some kid's skull in the bounce house at the school carnival).

She said she didn't want money from the tooth fairy because, and I quote, "I don't want to be rich."

So she got candy instead. Vicious cycle.

Seamus said...

Just 24 hours coverage on chicken pox prevention? Tsk, tsk, tsk

vera said...

You're brilliant!

Blither said...

Your creative imagination is baffling! Can I borrow it sometime :)

Egan said...

The tooth fairy is my favorite character in Snow White.

Any job news?

Sar said...

You are one silly and fun mom my SIS of curls. The Things are lucky to have you.

Btw - Party, my place, tomorrow!

Just Tom said...

I heard some fairies are being held without charge as suspected terrorists.

Really, a very clever post. I bet you had lots of fun writing it. It shows!

Candace said...


That's a keeper!! :)