Tuesday, September 22, 2009

All a-twitter

I've been on Twitter a while now, but quietly.
I try to disguise myself as something less than an attention whore but the fact I blog, and do Facebook, AND Twitter might not support that assertion.

I joined mostly to read other people's witty one liners though, really.
In fact, I've been a member over a year and I've only posted 42 tweets.
Anyway,
one of the people I follow just posts stuff his dad says and it is hysterical.

A brief sampling;

"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it f***ed you."
10:38 AM Sep 19th from web

"I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it...No, I'm not gonna stop, I'm just saying yes, I get that concept."
8:54 AM Sep 11th from web

"The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2"
12:41 PM Sep 7th from web

"Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me."
8:57 AM Aug 21st from web

"The dog is not bored, it's a f***ing dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a f***ing rubix cube. He's a g** d***ed dog."
10:43 AM Aug 18th from web

This is funny stuff, people.

8 comments:

Doug said...

I still don't want to know what Twitter is.

lime said...

i has so far refused twitter but yeah, that first line cracks me up.

S said...

I'm not sure if im snickering about the quotes or that you twitter.

I still have that very old phone message on my phone because once I figured out how to record a message, I now dont know how to change it...

So i guess i'm not ready for twitter...

Nessa said...

I'm on twitter too but like with facebook I haven't a clue what I am doing.

I certainly am not as witty as daddy.

Hobbes said...

Words to live by.
Twitter is that $100 bill on your dresser, Doug.

actonbell said...

I don't twitter, but I do have face time. It's eating my time, actually, because the sister that got me on Blogger is now facing. Where she's facing, I'm not sure...but it's become--a necessity. And since I'm a follower, I'll go whence she does next.

Those are hilarious quotes! A man like the late Ol' Hoss.

Jocelyn said...

I want to follow him, too! Will you cough up his name? Btw, other great one-liner writers are our fellow blogger, Diesel, and tv host Stephen Colbert.

Any chance you also want to cough up your name, so I can follow you? You can email me at pihlajjo AT lsc.ed

Jeaux said...

I guess I'm a lousy lay. The only thing on my dresser is some loose change and a bottle of aspirin.