The horror of it all!

A relatively new blogging acquaintance has leveled an accusation against me, well, sorta.
On the one hand he is a self proclaimed dork, and therefore his claims must be carefully scutinized, on the other hand he is very amusing and that carries some weight with me.
Dorky Dad has accused mini-van drivers of having only two catagories;
insane freaks and total wimps.
I personally don't fit in either of those catagories. Driving in Europe for four years did cause my driving techniques to edge ever so slightly more toward the aggressive side of the scale but I am NOT an insane freak, although I am definitely not a total wimp either. However, I feel there is another group of drivers who should be watched carefully...pick up truck drivers, oh, and Hummer drivers who appear to be compensating for something. I don't care if Arnie (Hallowed be His name) did start that craze. He is Austrian after all, and he's managed to overcome that really well for the most part, but you have to expect a few errors in judgement. Some Hummer drivers don't seem to be completely crazed, but that is not true of them all.

Despite driving a, uh, ahem, car-of-small-van-like-proportions, I will admit I have observed the extremes of which Dorky Dad speaks. However, passing a pick-up truck while, of course, operating my own vehicle in a safe and non-belligerent manner, whether this be in a multi-lane situation in town or on the freeway, brings to light an interesting tendency in pick-up drivers, especially male ones.
They look over and realize they are being passed by a MINI-VAN, oh the horror, and suddenly their manhood is in question. They will immediately quit fondling their radio, their cell phone, their rifle, or their cousin, and stomp on the accelerator, suddenly focusing on driving as if you just issued them a formal challenge and they are competing for a legends of Nascar commemorative plate set.
If a minivan driver happens to be cruising down the center lane (using cruise control set at approximately 5 or so miles over the speed limit) and one of these jokers is in the left lane barely doing the speed limit here are some things to watch for which may indicate you are dealing with a live one;
roll bars,
@$$hole lights (those spotlight things on the roll bar),
rifle rack in rear window,
tires larger than some city-states in Europe,
visible shocks (let's face it, if you can see the shocks on any vehicle, it is probable that the owner is just as jacked up),
whip antenna,
mudflaps with naked chicks, mudflaps with Elmer Fudd or...(ok, lets be honest here, if the you have anything but an 18 wheeler that requires mudflaps, something's just not right),
an NRA bumper sticker (or the presence of more than one bumper sticker of any kind).

If such a driver catches sight of you passing him expect it to be taken as a personal affront.

If by some chance this occurs in a city setting I suggest you take advantage of the next stop light to smile in a friendly manner. If he seems to be expressing unhappiness perhaps you should reassure him that you have only kind intentions by blowing little kisses as you accelerate away from him when the light changes.