55 Flash Fiction Friday

55 word flash fiction is something Susie started doing back in March of last year. Being the cooperative friend that I am, I jumped right on that bandwagon.

Earlier this week I asked for topic suggestions and once again I got so many good ideas I couldn't chose between them so I wrote a flash fiction for each. I've linked each blogger at the beginning of the 55 they inspired.

Thank you all so much!

Also, I had fun with that, so please leave topic suggestions for next week if you'd like.

Jocelyn “Look at her! She left that shopping cart right in the road because she is so busy talking on her stupid cell phone!” Lucy’s eyes rolled, exasperated by the self absorption being displayed.
Racing home the woman deliberately calmed her voice, “Honey, listen to me, if he’s not breathing you have to call 911, now.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Variant E The sea horse again shifted uncomfortably, his pregnant belly swollen huge. How dare she? Here he was, about to give birth to their young and she was off God only knows where. A sudden current buffeted him again the grass his tail was coiled around and his sense of persecution grew. Women just didn’t understand!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Susie “I first saw you picking in Orlando and all day you kept your ladder close to mine. I’ve enjoyed working with you. You’re a really great guy and I have enjoyed going out after work with you too. And not to be assuming things, but I just want to make sure you know, I’m straight.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

TSDuff The plane descended and we broke clear of the clouds. The argument with the obnoxious businessman and the flight attendant who’d championed his cause were worth it. I’d chosen a seat with an unobstructed view and chosen my arrival at sunset. Stretched below me was the landscape I'd dreamed, mine for the next two weeks.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dorky Dad

“Why on earth,” I heard myself ask once again in complete amazement, “Did you keep THIS??” From the kitchen came the sound of laughter. Shaking my head, and holding the mystery garment at arm’s length I followed the sound. Suddenly the smell of egg rolls distracted me and the hideous clothing seemed much less important.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Lime “Newt Gingrich?” The clever young anthropology student asked. “Do you think that was really his name or some sort of nickname?” The professor smoothed his hand down the sleeve of his silver environmental suit and smiled knowingly. “Many political leaders in the culture had unflattering nicknames given to them. I believe it follows that pattern.”

Play along with me?

Add to my list, please.

In a perfect world:

• Checkbooks would balance themselves automatically.
• Haircuts would ALWAYS look the way you wanted.
• Slow drivers would be summarily executed if they drove in the left lane.

It's all about ME!

Variant E has tagged me. I am new to his blog. He seems intense and interesting and has a strange affection for red polyester pants. He is also within driving distance. I think it's safer for everyone if I just go ahead and do the meme.
It is somewhat similar to a tag I did quite a while ago and in that one I inserted one lie in each group of answers. I enjoyed lying to you all and seeing who could catch it so I think I will do it again, 'cept on some I will tell one truth and three lies and on other I will do three truths and one lie.

Four jobs I have had or currently have in my life:
1. English teacher
2. Volunteer for the county Republican headquarters
3. Raspberry picker
4. Activities Director


Four Countries I have been to:
1. Scotland
2. France
3. Spain
4. Mexico

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Eugene, Oregon
2. Sebastopol, CA
3. Disneyland, CA
4. The deck of a cruise ship

Four foods I like to eat:
1. Thai
2. Indian
3. Italian
4. Vegan

Four personal heroes-past or present:
1. Margaret Meade
2. Newt Gingrich
3. W.C. Fields
4. Lizzie Borden


Four books I have read or am currently reading:
1. Dante’s Inferno
2. Where the Red Fern Grows
3. Huckleberry Finn
4. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Four to Tag :
1. All the people who read my blog.
2. All the people who don’t read my blog.
3. All the people who ought to read my blog.
4. All the people who want to do it.


P.S. Also, if you would so kind, leave a topic suggestion at the end of your post for the flash fiction I am going to do on Friday. I'm fresh out of fodder. Thanks

The psychology of super heroes

I remember hearing someone once point out that unlike Batman, Spiderman, or the Green Lantern, Superman actually was his superhero identity and his assumed identity was his average, bumbling Joe fascade, Clark Kent. Which is an interesting insight into how the character regarded humanity.
Recently I was loading some Crash Test Dummies onto my MP3 player and I was thinking about this take on Superman. Then I remembered the Five for Fighting Superman song and spent an utterly ridiculous amount of time pondering this while mowing my lawn yesterday.
So after I finished mowing I decided to check Youtube.



Tarzan wasn't a ladies' man
He'd just come along and scoop 'em up under his arm
Like that, quick as a cat in the jungle
But Clark Kent, now there was a real gent
He would not be caught sittin' around in no
Junglescape, dumb as an ape doing nothing
Superman never made any money
For saving the world from Solomon Grundy
And sometimes I despair the world will never see
Another man like him
Hey Bob, Supe had a straight job
Even though he could have smashed through any bank
In the United States, he had the strength, but he would not
Folks said his family were all dead
Their planet crumbled but Superman, he forced himself
To carry on, forget Krypton, and keep going
Tarzan was king of the jungle and Lord over all the apes
But he could hardly string together four words: "I Tarzan, You Jane."
Sometimes when Supe was stopping crimes
I'll bet that he was tempted to just quit and turn his back
On man, join Tarzan in the forest
But he stayed in the city, and kept on changing clothes
In dirty old phonebooths till his work was through
And nothing to do but go on home
Superman never made any money
For saving the world from Solomon Grundy
And sometimes I despair the world will never see
Another man like him.






I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me
I’m more than a bird...i’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be meWish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see
It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me
Up, up and away...away from me
It’s all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy...or anything...I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of meInside me
Yeah, inside meInside of me
I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
I’m only a man
Looking for a dream
I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy...
Its not easy to be me.

I guess if you are looking for reasons to be angsty everyone and anyone can find them! Now quit wasting time pondering the mental well being of nonexistent people and get something done, would you??

Our weekend trip

We left here after Mr. Logo arrived home from work and headed out across the mountainings. We stayed in a cute little log cabin place.

The Things were quite happy to stay in bed a while and watch TV.

They also enjoyed the pool.

Here you see Thing One attempting to convince me he is drowning in the three foot end.Next you see Thing Two paddling through the deep end after jumping into the 8 foot end. With his life jacket he is completely fearless.
I sat beside the pool and painted my toe nails.

Then we went to a book store, OF COURSE! I love going to bookstores. I even loved going to bookstores in Italy where I could really only comfortably read the children's books. So we can't go on vacation anywhere, not even eastern WA without stopping to look at books.

Thing One found a book that sang to his soul...
Evil Genius.
Thing One found some fascinating stuff to read as well.

Winthrop evidently thinks of itself as a frontier town.Thing Two decided to get into the spirit of the place,
and even Thing One got into it.
We also stopped by a fish hatchery where we got to feed some trout. That was quite amazing. The Things got to see Coho and Chinook salmon, and Steelhead trout. They have over a million fish and watching the fish go crazy for food was very entertaining. Thing One is has decided to look into that as a career.Back in bustling downtown Winthrop the Things mounted up while waiting for their sweeties from Sheri's Sweet Shop.
It was a lovely trip, unfortunately on the way home the poor little Sporty ran out of gas...again.
Then it started to rain.
Well, it all worked out. We all arrived home healthy and eventually warm and dry.
Good times.

Maybe we should do it again next weekend.

Flash Fiction in 55 words

From my perch above the beach I saw the tenuous wisps of fog trailing ghostly tendrils along the cliff and shore as they disappeared, swallowed in clouds of vapor.
Distant fog horns blared as ferries and ships cautiously made their way through familiar waters now made strange. Not lost yet still not knowing the way.
In other news, we are going on an impromtu weekend bike trip. If you see anyone carrying the TV out of the house would you please call the cops? Ok, thanks, see ya later!

another meme

Ok, I said I would look for something snarky but I didn't. Instead I am doing a meme.

This one is from Ann, and I am playing along as ordered by Crabby McCan'tsleep.


1. Who is your man?
That would be Mr. Logo, also known as Rusty Nails

2. How long have you been together?
We've been married for almost 17 years, we met 9 months before that.

3. How long dated?
We officially dated about a month, then we got engaged, fools rush in, eh?

4. How old is your man?
Oooooold, like, YEARS older than me

5. Who eats more?
Thing One I think, although if it's garlic bread I'll fight ya for it and the chocolate is ALL Mr. Logo's and don't you forget it.

6. Who said "I love you" first?
He did, and then I ran to the bathroom and puked. Isn't that a tender story?

7. Who is taller?
He is taller than me by about 5 inches

8. Who sings better?
That would be me. His singing is, well, painful. He makes up for it by having many other useful talents.

9. Who is smarter?
We divide this into areas of speciality. He handles the math, chemistry, and useful daily information and I handle the trivial and obscure.

10. Whose temper is worse?
Well, that is a toss up. He has a shorter fuse generally speaking but when I go off it tends to be pretty impressive.

11. Who does the laundry?
I do, but he handles his own ironing.

12..Who does the dishes?
Thing One handles the loading of the dishwasher and Thing Two unloads it. They are paid quite a generous allowances for it too.

13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
Facing from the foot Mr. Logo is on the right.

14. Who pays the bills?
Mr. Logo handles account payable. My inexact methods of bookkeeping cause him to twitch and there is this vein in his forehead that pulses. It seems healthier to just let him deal with it.

15. Who has bigger feet?
Mr. Logo

16. Who has longer hair?
I do, by quite a bit

17. Who is better with the computer?
That would be me, though it's probably more to do with inclination rather than ability.

18. Who mows the lawn?
Most often I do it, sometimes Thing One or Mr. Logo take a turn

19. Who cooks dinner?
Lately I've been the one throwing food in the vicinity of the table in the evenings.

20. Who drives when you are together?
In the family-mobile I drive more often but in the truck it's all him. For some reason Mr. Logo drives his truck like a little old man, drives the van like a crazy man and on his motorcycle is a textbook cautious, assertive but not aggressive, polite, and alert rider. It's fascinating.

21. Who pays when you go out?
I am a kept woman, so the point is moot.

22. Who is most stubborn?
Oooo, hard one, we are both pretty dang stubborn. I'd love to say he is but honestly, that MIGHT not be true.

23. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong?
We are both pretty good about that...usually.

24. Whose parents do you see the most?
Mine, we keep his parents on the east coast, we both prefer it that way.

25. Who kissed who first?
He kissed me first, and it was lovely

26. Who asked who out?
He asked me out to watch a movie, oh no, wait, actually, I asked him to come out with my cousin and I because I was ducking an obnoxious guy who wanted to ask me out so I guess that might be considered the official first.

27. Who proposed?
He did, and had ordered a custom designed ring and everything, it had amethysts in it. Have I mentioned Mr. Logo is quite the romantic? It's true.

28. Who is more sensitive?
About what exactly? We divide this one up too.

29. Who has more friends?
Probably I do, although we share very nicely.

30. Who has more siblings?
I do, middle child and he is an only child.

31. Who wears the pants in the family?
We share, our family is more an oligarchy rather than an autocracy and as long as I don't have any really strong objections I am more than willing to let him handle things how ever he would like. If I have strong objections I let him know and usually we manage to find a reasonable concensus point we can both live with happily.

Photofest

Here is Ariella sitting in her favorite spot. You may not see as much of her around here but she is still up to the same tricks.

Here she is resisting the urge to chase rabbits, but she really, really wanted to chase the wee buggers.
Here is Ariella on our newly painted back deck.

Is she not precious??

Oh, and the deck looks great too.

Sometimes her bangs get in her eyes and she gets a rasta look going.
Here is what we had for dinner, strawberry and blueberry shortcake.

This is what happens when you ask Logo to cook for you.

Here is Thing Two with his Robo-reptile.

He digs it the most. Here is a Lego™ creation of Thing Oneand here is the face he makes when he is trying not to laugh at his goofy mom who is not cooperating with his attempts to be dignified. This face proceeded extended gales of laughter.

OK, that is enough cuteness for a while.

I will see if I can find something snarky for tomorrow,

as you were.

While at a meeting last week...

I arrived again at the realization that I don't fit in so much with a lot of the people with whom I end up spending time. I think most of us feel that way, at least from time to time but that's ok, who wants to be just like everyone else? So as I was sitting in this meeting and longing for the sweet oblivion of death I was thinking of a convo I recently had with a gal pal in which we discussed how we don't quite fit in anywhere.
Too this for the thats and too that for the thises.

Oh well, I gotta be me!

Anyway, once again, I thought I would share some shirts from a fun little site because I like the slogans:

I'm not which side of the NRA/anti-gun debate would be more annoyed by this shirt which just makes me like it more.

Now, before you read this next one please bear in mind that I am first and foremost a tea drinker, although I do love coffee, but if I am going to drink coffee, I want it full strength and fully loaded, otherwise, what exactly is the point?

Last but not least, an obscure attack on a cultural icon.

It is amazing to me how many people don't know about this. Most people either don't know anything about it or believe lemmings do commit mass suicide.

Anyway, I thought I would share those with you all,
just because I care.

Don't Worry

This is meant to amuse. It's not a cry for help. Although if you love to fold sheets, clean house, run errands, etc. etc. etc. feel free to come on over and help. I pay two warm smiles a day and one snack break is included, bring your own food. No takers? Oh well...

School daze, school daze!

I have received MOUNTAINS of books, and art supplies, and CDs, and workbooks, and games, and science experiment materials, and I am getting organized for our new school year.
Right now I am fighting with our Spanish program which I am EXCESSIVELY excited about and which is being COMPLETELY uncooperative. Color me frustrated (that is a very unbecoming shade, let me tell you!).

In other news, we went to bed with the windows open and it is now freezing cold in my house. I have a hot cup of tea to warm my hands and inside and a polar fleece jacket and thick socks on. There is something about that and it being the middle of August that seems odd together.

Thing Two has to go back to the dentist this morning to get some sealants on his teeth. He asked me, with a very mischievous grin, if I would give him candy if he was good for the dentist. That child is troublemaker. I have no idea where he gets it, must be his dad.

It annoys me that Blogger's spellcheck does not know the correct form for the plural of CD.

One compact disc is a CD and more than one compact disc would be CDs.

There is no need for an apostrophe, it is not a contraction or a possessive, they are NOT CD's.

My spelling is, on occasion, quite atrocious, there are times when my typos on this blog are appalling and my grammar is lackadaisical around here in the extreme. Most of you are kind enough to overlook these faults (or at least mock me behind my back, thank you so much for that) but if I am actually going to go to the trouble of spellchecking don't correct me incorrectly!!Evidently they need to add the possessive and plural forms of Blogger as well. Ok, I'm done with that for now.

Here are my two essentials of every morning: Mr. Logo's note and my cup of tea.

Yes, I airbrushed the contents of the note, cheeky buggers, it wasn't written to you! I love the graphic representation of where we are in the week there at the top. Funny man.

Have yourselves a lovely day!

I love Toothpaste for Dinner!

No, no, not as an entrée, I mean the comic!

It's true, I'm pretty sure there is an angelologist somewhere who would totally back him on that one.
I know those of you who blog from work have a deep sense of identification with that one. You are not alone my friends, he feels your pain.
Ah, the omnipotence of the sweatervest, an odd and seemingly pointless garment and yet, possessed of many talents.

Also, I took a quiz about right brain/left brain stuff.

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (7) Right Brain Dominance: (6) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

What are you?

It's International Lefthanders' Day!

Here is the official site for the day.
Thankfully no one is stoning us lefties these days, burning us at the stake or such things,
thank you, by the way, it's appreciated.
However, there is still some educating to do. Please, for the love of all that is holy, buy your lefties some left-handed scissors and STOP attaching pens to the right side of counters with a string so short lefties can't use them!
Ok, I'm done now.

Oh, and if your interested they've all manner of quizzes and such on that website.
Now I will mention a couple of my favorite left handed people:

Lewis Carroll

Leonardo Da Vinci

M.C. Escher

Here is a modern tribute...

and also...

Billy Corgan of Smashing Pumpkins


Kurt Cobain

and David Byrne of the Talking Heads

OH, and Susie, and Jocelyn and kyahgirl too!

Go forth and do something left handed!

Heads Up!

Monday, August 13th is

INTERNATIONAL LEFT-HANDERS' DAY!

More will be said on this topic. I just thought I would warn you.

Just in case you are really looking forward to it, here is a joke to hold you over.

Conversation over dinner:
A husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"

"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."
"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"

"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."
"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"

"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would."
"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house and slept in our bed, would he use my golf clubs?"

"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"

Flash Fiction

Blue eyes mirrored the warm smile on his lips.

“I have Twinkies in my lunch today. I’ll share if you want.”

She agreed, giggling shyly. Moments later he was startled to hear himself make the same offer to another cute girl.

Back in class his palms began to sweat as clock hands raced to noon.

Pleae keep your wet, stinky dogma out of my karma.

In 1999 a movie came out which featured this song. Some of my readers may not find the movie, the song, or this take on life in general to be compatible with their own, but hey, I like it, so I'm sharing. Try to enjoy it.




Still
I am the harm which you inflict.
I am your brilliance and frustration.
I'm the nuclear bombs if they're to hit.
I am your immaturity and your indignance.
I am your misfits and your praised.
I am your doubt and your conviction.
I am your charity and your rape.
I am your grasping and expectation.
I see you averting your glances.
I see you cheering on the war.
I see you ignoring your children,
And I love you still.
And I love you still.
I am your joy and your regret.
I am your fury and your elation.
I am your yearning and your sweat.
I am your faithless and your religion.
I see you altering history.
I see you abusing the land.
I see you, your selective amnesia,
And I love you still.
And I love you still.
I see you averting your glimpses.
I see you cheering on the war.
I see you ignoring your children,
And I love you still.
And I love you still.
I see you altering history.
I see you abusing the land.
I see you, your selective amnesia,
I love you still.
And I love you still.
I am your tragedy and your fortune.
I am your crisis and delight.
I am your profits and your prophets.
I am your art, I am your vice.
I am your death and your decisions.
I am your passion and your plight.
I am your sickness and convalescence.
I am your weapons and your light.
I see you holding your grudges.
I see you gunning them down.
I see you silencing your sisters,
And I love you still.
And I love you still.
I see you lie to your country.
I see you forcing them out.
I see you blaming each other,
And I love you still.
And I love you still.
I see you holding your grudges.
I see you gunning them down.
I see you silencing your sisters,
I love you still.
I love you still.
I see you lie to your country.
I see you forcing them out.
I see you blaming each other.
I love you still.
I love you still.
I see you.

It's been a week

that I've been sans bebes. We've managed to get to the movies and eat out a couple times, we even got some stuff done. Mr. Logo installed a new screen door on the front of the house.

Innit purty? We also did some shopping and found a night stand for Mr. Logo that goes with our room. He even has drawers to keep stuff in, oooooooo.
With no Things here to distract me I actually got to read four, count them, FOUR books!
So I shall be arising early and heading off to fetch my young.

PSA

I'm not entirely certain if this is meant to be cautionary or just educational.

Either way, I hope you got a giggle.

I also hope Monday doesn't kick your ass.

Stylistic Differences

Yesterday in Seattle I met a fabulous gay guy who told me about a dog he'd owned some years ago. She was a small dog, and considerable overweight but according to him, "She really worked it." He explained that he had attached a cord from his waist band to a skateboard so she could ride along and accompany him on his daily run without having to exert herself.
He was certainly not going to make her exercise if she didn't want to do that!.
He did not, he told me, want to force HIS lifestyle choices on his dog.

Contrast this with a scene later in the casa de logophilia.

After our long day I dropped down onto the bed and reviewed the day in my mind. A loud sigh interupted me. "What?" I asked Mr. Logo.
"You are NOT following procedure! You are suppose to lie down on your right side and scootch over here so I can put my arm around you. THAT is the routine!"
I turned and scootched.

Takes all kinds, hm?

Dear Diary....

Today I am going to the dentist. Despite the fact that they always compliment my strong, healthy teeth there is something about knowing they are about to scold and treat one like a child,
"You know, flossing once a twice a week just isn't enough. You can do better. Come on, it'll be fun, let's floss, floss, floss our teeth!"
I should clarify, they treat you like adults on Barney treat children. My own children are far more likely to hear,
"Little dude, that is totally unacceptable, get yourself back into that bathroom and take care of your teeth. There is a choice and there is a consequence; do you WANT them to rot right out of your head?"

ANYWAY, after I do that I am continuing on into downtown because it is the first Thursday of the month. You know what that means?
Free museum day! I'm going to visit this guy.

Mr. Logo's office building shares space and a parking garage with the SAM. He went to work on his Harley this morning and I am going to head into town on Red Molly. Then we will come home together this afternoon.

There has been no mention of the Things. That would be because they are spending a few days with the Aged Ps. I do hope they all enjoy that. I know I am!