I thought I would share a little humor from Irwin Barker.
If you go for a hike in Canada there are brochures from the Parks Department to advise you about what to do if you are approached by a bear. That is a very Canadian turn of phrase, "approached by a bear, " it makes it sound like he might just be checking in about how you like the accomodations. But if a bear approaches you they suggest you play dead. They also advise you to carry a cell phone so you can call in case of emergency.
"Hello? Help! I'm being approached by a bear!"
"Hello, thank you for calling the Parks department. If you are being approached by a bear please press one now. Your life threatening emergency is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received. For faster service, please check our website at www dot savagemauling dot com.